Day 497: Ready. (Maybe)

I think I’m ready. Maybe.

For what? Dating. Maybe.

Whew. Putting that out there is more than a little terrifying.

Because here’s what I’m not ready for. Dick pics. (Sorry, Grandma, but they’re a real thing these days. Gag.) Creeps. Guys who think that means I want to jump into bed with them. Because this girl right here, she’s never going to ready for those things.

But having a nice dinner with a man I find attractive? I’m in. Holding hands while counting the stars? Totally up for it. Getting a good morning or good night text? Bring it on. A godly man’s perspective on raising these kids? Please.

I want to stand beside someone I care deeply about during worship and know that he’s the one God has for me in this time. I want a man to pray with me, for me and over me. I’m ready for someone to love me enough to put me in check when I need it. To encourage me to do the hard things. To tell me to slow down and to hold me while I cry. I’m ready for a new best friend.

It’s terrifying to even think about because I’m….well, I’m a lot. Loving me will take a really strong man. I’m a bit high maintenance and a bit set in my ways. Most days I’m basically a dumpster fire who tries to hand out free tacos and compliments while wearing sweats and no make-up. I’m strong willed. I like to think I’m independent, when really I just have the strongest desire need to be well taken care of.

Also, I don’t a want to be hurt. My heart has been broken in a way I didn’t know it could and I don’t know how much more it can take. But I know that without being vulnerable, I’ll just continue to be alone. I’ve got too much life left for that, so I’m gonna put myself out there. And when the right guy comes along, I’m gonna pray that I recognize him for who is. And, please, please, please, God, let him see me for who I am. And let him love me anyway.

So there’s that. I’m ready. Maybe.

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