Sometimes I think my kids list more than their dad on July 3. They lost a big part of their mom that day, too.

In the days since, well, I haven’t exactly been on my “A” game. There has been a lot of sleeping in. A lot of hiding out. A lot of long drives alone and crying fits sitting in the van alone, out by the lake.

When I got into this parenting thing I thought I’d have a partner to tag in. Not having that just plain sucks.

I didn’t realize just how much Vance and I were a team. How much I relied on being able to “call the principal” on tough school days. How he’d balance me out and keep me in check. How the kids would mind him better than they would me and while I resented that, I also appreciated that he was there when I was at the end of my rope.

Without him, I’m just not the same person. I’m less than I was.