Day 244: Insomnia

I’ve always been a night owl. Always. When I was a kid, my mom stayed up late and we slept in. It’s where I’ve always found my rhythm.

Lately, though, it’s been impossible to sleep. I’m exhausted even more than usual. I find myself wide awake at 2:28 am. Unable to stop watching videos, playing games, listening to books and podcasts. Because if I stop those things, the silence comes.

Right now, silence is unbearable.

In it comes doubt. Fear. Anxiety. Depression. Anger.

So often the emptiness becomes filled with weeping. Weeping for what was. For what is. For what will never be.

So I avoid the quiet needed to sleep because so much else creeps in there.

I’m doing my best to fill it with hope. With love. With good. Sometimes that wins. Other times…. Not so much.

I’m not sleeping much but I’m not giving up either.

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