As human beings we tend to compare ourselves. We want to see where we measure up in relation to everyone else, be it about our bodies, our finances, our homes, our test scores, or even our grief.
When you go through something really difficult, like the sudden death of your person, your friends tend not to want to tell you about their hard days anymore. They think that they’re not entitled to hurt because it’s so minimal compared to what you’re going through. They think that in this comparison, they lose.
Losing your dog is not the same as losing your husband but it’s still loss. A stomach bug is not the same as stomach cancer but it still makes you feel miserable for a time.
Just because my arm got cut off doesn’t mean your paper cut doesn’t hurt.
Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Feel it big or feel it small, but feel it. Don’t deny your paper cut, letting it fester and get infected. Acknowledge the pain and do what you need to heal it. Don’t compare it to an amputation, especially to an amputee, but you are allowed to say “ouch.”
There are days when you just have to suck it up and get over the little nicks and bruises. You don’t get to scream “ouch” over and over about your scrapes while someone else is bleeding to death from stab wounds. That just makes you a jerk.
Needle prick or lumbar puncture, no one likes to be jabbed with needles. It all hurts. Acknowledge that but don’t try to make the two equal. One obviously feels worse.
Yes, the new widow should take priority over the bereaved pet owner. But that doesn’t mean the later should be ignored. Grieve your loss because you loved your love. If the love was real, so is the mourning.
So please, don’t be afraid to tell me about your small cuts, your fights with your husband, your hurts when he forgets your anniversary. Yes, there is a chance that there will be some memory that it triggers that is hard for me, but losing my friends as well as my husband, that…that would be too much to bear.